Avoiding dealing with my childhood damage eventually led to a full-on psychological & emotional breakdown in my late 20’s. There was only so much running I could do from myself before I eventually ran out of places to hide.
It took a vast amount of self destructive behaviour, serious substance misuse and a suicidal depression to manifest in my life before I finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t ignore my old wounds anymore. My avoiding them was indirectly destroying me from the inside-out.
As the saying goes, ‘when it becomes more of an effort to suffer than to change, you will change’.
This was definitely the case for me.
My breakdown led to a huge breakthrough and after a period of intense healing & introspection, I climbed out of the pit and slowly began to build a new & better life. This was one of the reasons why I believe it to have all happened, those painful experiences of my youth forced me into a corner as an adult where it was a case of either evolve or die. I chose to evolve, which then led to me becoming the man I was always meant to be.
In eastern mysticism, it is said that our suffering is our greatest teacher, that if we find the courage to venture into our own shadows, it will inspire great evolution & contentment. The cave that we fear to enter; holds the treasure that we seek, so-to-speak.
I learned after having navigated through that experience to be mindful to not quickly dismiss the pain & suffering in my life, as overcoming it all eventually leads me to my truest future self. You could say that our pain is the mud and we are the lotus.